Emmanuel's story
I’ve done a lot of things in my life I’m not proud of. I’ve been homeless and hopeless, feeling that my life was worth nothing. I have a lot of shame and guilt, but no regrets, because it’s all contributed to who I am today, and after a long journey, I like who I’m becoming.
When I was eight years old, I was sexually abused by a close family friend. He ordered me not to tell anyone. From then on I became an introvert; I was always hiding. I was frightened and confused.
At school I learnt about racism very quickly, and I was bullied. I also met other people like me who didn’t fit in, and we stuck together. My friends introduced me to alcohol and drugs, and I thought they were the best thing in the world; they relieved me of that pain.
From then on things started to get pretty bad. My parents were noticing my mood swings, so I got into the habit of staying with friends, or even sleeping in the park. I got involved with a local gang, and while I’m not naturally an aggressive person, I soon adapted and became that way so that it became normal for me to beat people up, carry a knife with me all the time, stab people.
Eventually I ran out of friends to stay with.
I told myself that no one could do anything for me anymore, least of all my family, and that it would be better to leave home altogether and make my own way in the world. That was one of the biggest mistakes I’d ever made. At that time I needed nurturing, I needed someone to be there for me.
I used to sleep by a creek near my parents’ house, and when they were gone I’d break in and eat. Sometimes I slept on the slippery dip at Maccas.
For me, homelessness is having nowhere to go and having no support. It was a very dark time in my life.
When I was 24 I developed schizophrenia and drug-induced psychosis, then depression. My family used to visit me and I’d promise them the world, saying “it’s never going to happen again”, but of course it did.
What people say is true: you’ve got to hit rock bottom before you can get up.
I had been in rehab several times before, but it never got me anywhere. A case worker put me in touch with Rob at Wesley Rehab who was running a program called Turnaround House. And I thought, ”that’s exactly what I want to do, I want to turn my life around.” Lots of other rehabs wouldn’t take me on because of my mental health issues, but Wesley Mission welcomed me with open arms – I’ve never felt so welcome in my life.
I’d like to tell you that I’m cured, but I’m not. I still have a lot of resentment but I’m learning to deal with it better. I need to step up my maturity. But today I’ve got an awareness of my feelings; I talk on an emotional level, which I’ve never done before.
Share this page (Short link: http://wesleymission.com/s/13584 )