Coping with grief and loss

13 July 2008

Psalm 23

This week’s study was prepared by Rev Rocco Scarcella

1. Introduction

Today we’re looking specifically at “Coping With Grief and Loss”. Our main text is Psalm 23. But what exactly do we mean by the word “grief”? Grief is the reaction that people can have to any loss in their lives. It may include a wide range of responses which vary from person to person and even the type of loss. For example, the death of a significant person in your life is a major loss. But grief can be felt about many kinds of losses: the ending of a relationship; moving or migrating to another place, losing a job, a pet, or your health or even your dream! Whatever it may be, there is a common sense of loss felt deep in our souls and a painful yearning for restoration! And it all has to do with our guilt!

2. God Can Remove Our Guilt

There are two problems with guilt. Firstly, we all have plenty of reasons for guilt. Secondly, we can’t get away from it. So, how do we deal with it? There is only one solution to guilt. We need to hand it over to God. “He restores my soul” (Ps 23:3) Only God can restore my soul and yours. So, how does He do that? He did it through His Son, Jesus Christ. The most basic truth of Christianity is that Jesus Christ has already paid for all our sins. Everything you’ve done wrong has already been paid for. That’s why Jesus went to the cross. Jesus, the Good Shepherd, has the power to restore your soul. So, how do we get forgiveness from God? By trusting in Him! Some of you might be thinking, “But, I trust in Jesus, I believe in Him and yet I still feel guilty.” Maybe you don’t yet understand the depth of God’s forgiveness. The fact is this: when God forgives it is immediate, it’s free, it’s complete, it is unconditional! And forgiveness takes care of your sin the very first time you ask. Consider 1 John 1:9. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” So, how much sin does God cleanse you? He cleanses you of ALL sin!

3. Let God Relieve Your Grief

Sometimes we suffer not because of what we have done, but because of what others have done to us or when we see other people suffer. This isn’t heaven, this is earth and people hurt. Sometimes we feel lonely or our heart is broken or we experience sorrow, grief and loss. But Psalm 23:3 says: “he restores my soul.” King David who wrote these inspired words, was very acquainted with grief. In II Samuel 12 we are given some helpful tips on how to handle grief and loss. Remember David had committed adultery with Bathsheba and had her husband killed? He carried the guilt until he confessed it in Psalm 51. But you know that is not the whole story. Bathsheba became pregnant. She had a baby boy and when it was born it was very sick. David grieved over what he had done. He fasted and prayed. He said, “Oh God, I’m the one who made the mistake. Save the baby. He has done nothing wrong.” But the baby died anyway.

What did David do with his grief after the baby died? He did three things:

a. David ACCEPTED what he could not change.

He answered, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, 'Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.' But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."- 2 Samuel 12:22-23

b. David FOCUSED on what was left and not what was lost.

“Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and he went to her and lay with her. She gave birth to a son, and they named him Solomon. The LORD loved him;” - 2 Samuel 12:24

c. David TURNED to God.

In Psalm 51:11-12, David says: “Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.”

When we grieve, we can either remain a prisoner of our pain or we can turn it over to God. That’s our choice.

4. Let God Minister Through You!

Of course, many people feel less alone by also grieving with other family members, including the children or close friends. So, God can minister to those in grief through you! How? Lots of ways! For example, by you staying in touch personally by short visits or by phone, through notes, emails or cards.; by you taking the time to really listen to them and by you accepting their behaviour - whether it’s crying, screaming, being quiet, laughing. But also be aware of what may not be helpful for them! Don’t lose contact with them if the going gets too heavy; don’t do all the talking, offering your own reasoning or lectures on grief! And avoid measuring or judging their progress.

We don’t need a self-help book to deal guilt, grief or loss. We need a Shepherd. We need a Saviour. Jesus is that Shepherd and Saviour. He is ready to help us deal with damaged emotions. All we have to do is ask Him. And he can provide those who can walk with us through those valleys. And yes, it usually takes time to heal – and sometimes a lifetime with the help of various professionals. But with God, all things are possible. Are you struggling to cope with grief and loss? Let Him restore your soul today.

Something to think or talk about

You don’t have to answer all the questions: choose those that seem most relevant.

Read: Psalm 23

Biblical
1. What is the main figure used in this psalm? What would you say is the main idea? (1)
2. How does David illustrate the physical necessities that the Lord provides? (2)
3. How does David describe the spiritual necessities? (3)
4. What protection or comfort does the Lord provide when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death? (4)
5. Explain what the Lord offer in the presence of our enemies? (5)
6. What hope do we have for eternity? (6)

Personal and practical
7. "I shall not want" may be translated as "there is nothing I need" or "I lack nothing." What are your feelings about this verse? Does it comfort you? Why?
8. What hope could this Psalm offer you during times of grief, relationship trouble, or financial distress?
9. Do you see "dwelling in the house of the Lord" as a heavenly or an earthly state? Give your reasons.
10. The Hebrew word translated "follow" is closer could be rendered "pursue": So, "Goodness and kindness will pursue me." Why would God pursue us? On a scale of one (a little) to ten (a lot), how true do you feel this is about your life or relationship with God? Give examples.

Christian Life