Walk into Judy and Allan’s home near Grafton and the first thing you’ll notice is a wall of photographs. Dozens of pictures of toddlers, tweens and teens are prominently displayed in their lounge room and spilling into the hallway – a symbol that every young life matters here.
The second thing you’ll notice is the sound of laughter and children. Ten to be exact these days. In addition to the couple’s four biological children, their adopted daughter, her two biological sisters, their cousin and two foster children, ranging from ages one to 26, their home is in a perpetual state of motion and mayhem.
Judy and Allan wouldn’t have it any other way. For 28 of their 35 years of marriage, the couple has filled their home with children. As long-term carers first with the NSW Department of Communities and Justice and now Wesley Dalmar, Judy and Allan have helped foster 114 children so far, from respite and emergency care to short-term and long-term placements and adoption. And photos of every child they’ve fostered sit on the wall of the same house they’ve lived in since they married.
“The first day we get a new child into care, I take their photo,” Judy says. “They can look at the wall and see there’ve been other kids like them who’ve come into our home. It’s also our way of having that memory forever – to know they’ve been a part of our lives whether short or long term. It’s a memory to hold onto.”
Whether newborns or 16-year-olds, each child’s picture is ‘a keepsake’ for the couple and a way for the children to better understand their circumstances, knowing they’re not the only ones who’ve had to leave their birth families for various reasons.
So many have come through, in fact, that Allan and Judy turned their three-bedroom house into a five-bedroom home with lots of bunk beds. It’s not necessarily a big house, they say, just one that works.
“We always wanted a family of our own, but didn’t think we would be able to,” Judy shares. “Friends were exploring foster care which I’d never heard of. We decided to go along. Once we started, we fell in love with it.”
Because of that love, many of the children stay in touch after leaving foster care. Judy and Allan return the support by attending birthday parties and soccer matches, and they even help Wesley Mission by sponsoring teams with jerseys and hats. And each year they take their kids to Grafton’s Jacaranda festival, volunteering at Wesley Mission’s stall to encourage others to become foster carers.
“You don’t do it to change the kid,” Allan says. “You do it to try and show them there’s another way to live their lives – one where hopefully they break the cycle and that helps the next generation.”
It isn’t always easy, given each child’s unique circumstances, challenges and gifts.
“But it comes so naturally to Judy and Allan,” says Hayley, Case Manager at Wesley Mission’s foster care office in Grafton. “They treat every child like their own. Their whole house is warm and welcoming because they want their kids to have a great life and will do whatever they need to make sure it happens.”
Even when it comes to changing their home. When Hayley asked Judy what they needed for Christmas, Judy said, “Not much but the backyard is pretty beat up.” Hayley arranged for a new playground cubby house, monkey bars and slide to be sent over, which Allan and his sons put together for the children.
“Wesley Mission, they are so supportive. Nothing’s ever a problem, they’re always willing to help out,” Judy shares. “I can’t praise Hayley enough. She’s been our rock. We’ve never really had to do anything on our own – she’s always there.”
While some days can feel like a circus, Judy says it’s those small simple moments, whether a cuddle or when they say, “I love you,” that make it all worth it.
“You don’t need to have a big house to be a foster carer,” Judy says. “You just need a big heart and an open mind to love someone else’s child. It’s not all a bed of roses but at the same time, there’s a lot of joy.”
Allan agrees. “If somebody’s considering becoming a carer to start with, they’re the right type of people, aren’t they?”
